You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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