I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
