so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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