She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
