all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
