sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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