Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
