my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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