What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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