i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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