Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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