I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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