You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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