so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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