Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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