And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
