I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
