Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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