I skipped work to stalk him.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
