I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
