so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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