when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
3 2 1 whiskey
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
