Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
