Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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