it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
