she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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