I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she looked like the before picture.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
