I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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