We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
