I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
