Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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