and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
