Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
