Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
