Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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