Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
