He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
