The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
