when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
