batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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