well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
