I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
