Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
