New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
