you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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