highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
