I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
lets start a swedish sibling band together
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
