I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
