I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
