There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
