we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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