i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
