I am puke
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
