someone threw a dead crab at me
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
