Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
