Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
