This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
