i think my mom watched the whole time
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
