so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
