Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
